Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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