my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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