this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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