im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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