matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
