well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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