I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
