I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
