I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
