I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
