new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
