Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
