we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i need some magic done to my vagina
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
