Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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