Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
