I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
