She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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