why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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