I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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