It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
