don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
