she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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