peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
