Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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