Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
