The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The struggles of a small town man whore
last night I used snow as a chaser
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