I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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