Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
