Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
