May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
