Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
