I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
