you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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