I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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