he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
