Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
