I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
