i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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