this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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