I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize