I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
