I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
