Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just threw up on my dentist
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
