I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
