"it" just moved
oh god the rape fog is back!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
