its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
