and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
