Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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