Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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