Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
time to smoke my breakfast
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
