we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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