Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
