oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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