I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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