Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
