So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
