i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
