it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
