Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
