So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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