fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
