Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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