Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
