If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
