I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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