nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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