Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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