i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
