soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
