I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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