I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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