I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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