If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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