I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
