I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
