Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
