It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
