okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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