I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
