So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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