you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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